PASTOR’S CORNER FOR THE TWENTY-SIXTH SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME, YEAR C, BY FR. BRUCE BOTHA SJ

WHEN PASTORAL CARE AND THE MORAL TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH COLLIDE

 

How widely do we draw our boundaries of inclusion? Sometimes as a pastor of a Church we have to weigh up the pastoral needs of our people, and be as inclusive as we can be, rather than use the law to exclude people who are truly good people. This can sometimes lead parishioners, who may not have the benefit of the whole picture, to make harsh judgements, both pastor and of the people concerned.

 

Here are two hypothetical cases for you to consider. Two women, members of the parish, come forward asking for baptism for their unborn child, conceived through in vitro fertilisation. One of them is in the RCIA class for confirmation and wonders if she will be allowed to be confirmed because of this. What do we do?

 

Consider a gay couple, members of the parish who are madly in love, have been committed to one another for 5 years and now want to make a more formal commitment to each other, and to somehow have the involvement of the Church in their relationship. They know that they can’t have a sacramental marriage, what do we do?

 

In the first case, the Church teaches that we cannot and should not deny baptism to any child, regardless of our personal feelings towards the parents. So, we could baptise them, but only record the birth mother in the baptismal register. How would the other parent feel, because while she did not give birth to the child, she loves it every bit as much as any father loves his child. Maybe in the register we scratch out the label father and write mother and then fill in her details? Regarding confirmation, if someone is trying to live out their faith in the messy and complicated reality of their life, do we have an obligation to support them and journey with them as they become “adult”, fully committed members of the church? Or do we tell her that because she is in a lesbian relationship she cannot be confirmed?

In the second case, both individuals attend church regularly, support the planned giving campaign, and participate in the life of the community. As they consider making a lifelong commitment to each other they come asking for advice and help so that their relationship is strengthened. We could tell them that gays cannot get married and so we cannot help them. I wonder if they would not feel rejected and alienated by the Church? Maybe we could give them the same counselling we give other engaged couples in the Church, because good, loving, stable and life-giving relationships, regardless of the orientation of the couple, is always a good thing. Is there a way of respecting the law of the Church on sacramental marriage, but still supporting this couple and helping their relationship be a good one?

 

And now what if I were to tell you that these are not hypothetical cases but real live people. What would you do? What do you think I should do?

FR. BRUCE BOTHA SJ